Prior to starting Refuze, I was in a deep depression not knowing where my life was headed.  I accepted jobs that would hire me.  I constantly went from one idea to the next.  One disappointment after another.  

Having all three of my best friends die before the age of 30, left me in a crossroads of either wanting to suffer the same fate, or make a drastic difference in my life.  As it were, the death of my third friend by suicide lit a fire in me, deciding to never do that to my family or to my own namesake.  I would do whatever it took to recover from whatever I was seemingly suffering from.  

After more than 10 years and thousands of dollars invested in books, courses, seminars, training and therapy, what I learned I was suffering from... was me.  After understanding this, and learning how many other men silently share the same destructive desperation I once felt, I made it my mission to make this information understandable and accessible to everyone.  

Now I have distilled down all that I have learned and used to create massive change in myself and my clients, into it’s simplest terms and this is the basis of all that I offer.   

Refuze to Live Average Coaching focuses on three areas: Awareness, Alignment, and Activation.  These were the areas I found to be the most effective where purposeful effort created the greatest amount of progress toward happiness and fulfillment in my life and many others.


All that you believe isn’t true and you aren’t nearly accessing a fraction of your true potential.  Because of this, you spend your days trying, forcing, and wanting instead of knowing, being, and just doing.  Until you begin to expose and understand the systems which are at work producing your results, your destined to live a life being determined by outside forces.  In this portion of our training we focus on Resetting your Defaults and Equipping you with appropriate tools you need to begin creating your life on purpose.  You need to unlearn all that you think you know and rebuild your databases with accurate information, specific to you.


Is your life congruent with your core values, your truest desires, and your greatest potential?  Are your decisions and actions in conflict with your preferred outcomes?  Has your environment been provided or decided?  In order to create your world, you need to participate in all the elements which can affect it.


Take action. Create.  Express yourself.  To fully connect with your existence, you need to put your signature on it, build your legacy.  In order for men to find true fulfillment they need to penetrate the earth with their creation.  We have to engage fully in life in order to feel complete and validated.   You are always producing results.  They are either the results you want or the ones you don’t want?

As humans, all that we ever need is inside of us.  We live in an environment where what it means to be us is attacked from the moment we are introduced to the world.  Some allow it to be buried so deep they learn to accept what the world has to offer and die disappointed and unfulfilled.  This was unacceptable to me and since you are reading this post, it’s my belief this is unacceptable to you as well.  Take time for deep introspection and begin applying intentional effort in the three area I listed above and you will immediately begin to convert your life into one of your choosing.  

If you are interested in all the free resources you need to guide you on your journey, log into Refuze and enjoy.

We’re in this together,

Thank you,



Tony Kates

Tony Kates is the award-winning author of the #1 bestselling book, Refuze to Live Average, and the founder of, the world’s leading provider of male driven personal development ideas and training.  It is time for men to step into the true gre
atness they are capable of.  This requires us to not only appreciate the wisdom from our past, and to also openly accept a new awareness of what is required of us today in order to create a better tomorrow.

Daily Journey Journal Tony Kates